I just want to share with y'all a few blogs I've been reading for a couple of months now. My MIL, Cindy, turned me on to one, and I found the other 2 from that blog. Seriously, they impact my life.
The loss of our little Samantha was ~ and still is ~ heartbreaking. It wells up inside and I just want to scream until I can't breathe. Living with the reality of her death is sometimes more than I can bear. Then there are the times when I go all day without even thinking her name, so in the evening when that sweet face does cross my mind (and it always does), I feel guilty about not thinking of her earlier, or more often...do you see the wonkiness in this? Thinking about her saddens me, and not thinking about her makes me feel guilty.
Anyway, I say all of that to say this ~ I started reading a blog on the recommendation of my mother-in-law, and from that blog I read another, and another, and before I knew it, God was touching me through them. They say misery loves company, but misery needs hope, and that's what I've found in these wonderful, caring, faith-filled, grieving, hopeful blogs. I hope you find the time to check them out, as well (they are also listed on the left under "A Favorite Blog" and "Other Blogs of Note").
Bring the Rain ~ this is the blog I started with. Angie and Todd lost their very sick and very premature daughter, on April 7th (just 4 days before Samantha). Her willingness to share her pain, as well as her unfailing faith in and love for God, has been healing beyond belief.
From there, I went in 2 directions:
Light Your World ~ as unbelievable as it sounds, this is Angie's brother-in-law's blog, which he started after he and his wife lost their 10 week old son to SIDS. This blog will break your heart ... but again, through it all they are sustained by their faith in God.
My Charming Kids ~ this one is from MckMama. She is currently pregnant with her 4th child (MckMuffin...I'm not even kidding! How cute is that?!), who is extremely sick with a severe heart condition. I am convinced God is healing her child through her blog, as the Gates of Heaven themselves have been stormed with prayers for MckMuffin (hers as well as her blog followers), and she shows an awesome sense of hope (and humor!) and belief in God's goodness and glory while telling her story, and just living her life in His embrace.
I can't tell you how healing these blogs have been for me. Maybe it's being able to offer prayers for others in somewhat similar situations, or lifting up MckMuffin in prayer as he continues to be a medical miracle. Maybe it's just that pain shared is lessened. Whatever it is, there is no doubt that God is at the center of it. I have stood on my faith throughout this ordeal (really, where else could I possibly go?), and even though sometimes I fall hard, I always land on solid ground. Always. Always.
Praise God.
Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD. ~Psalm 31:25
8.27.2008
8.05.2008
To Be Humbled
It's interesting, how your views of your life can change from one day to the next. Yesterday was difficult for me, as you know if you read my blog. Today, I read an article about Blessed Mother Teresa, and it really put my personal suffering in perspective.
It's humbling to see how she lived her life for Jesus.
Every day.
Every hour.
Every minute.
Even when she didn't feel His presence for the majority of her life.
How many of us can really say that? I know I can't. It's too easy to gossip, or get caught up in the trivialities of life. Too easy to think about myself and what I don't have, instead of remembering those who have nothing at all in this world, not even the knowledge of a loving and merciful Saviour.
I'm glad our Lord loves me enough to send me these gentle reminders. Not to discount our hurt or pain or sadness or depression, but to remind us that with Him we can handle it.
And that in giving to others in love, whether by standing in a serving line at your local homeless shelter or by praying in the quiet of your home or taking care of your family, we can give our suffering new meaning, and find our burden eased.
I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. ~Mother Teresa
It's humbling to see how she lived her life for Jesus.
Every day.
Every hour.
Every minute.
Even when she didn't feel His presence for the majority of her life.
How many of us can really say that? I know I can't. It's too easy to gossip, or get caught up in the trivialities of life. Too easy to think about myself and what I don't have, instead of remembering those who have nothing at all in this world, not even the knowledge of a loving and merciful Saviour.
I'm glad our Lord loves me enough to send me these gentle reminders. Not to discount our hurt or pain or sadness or depression, but to remind us that with Him we can handle it.
And that in giving to others in love, whether by standing in a serving line at your local homeless shelter or by praying in the quiet of your home or taking care of your family, we can give our suffering new meaning, and find our burden eased.
I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. ~Mother Teresa
8.04.2008
Praise God
We received another bill from another doctor today. One month exactly before Samantha's due date. I don't even know how to feel about that. You numb yourself and keep those images and memories that hurt tucked down so you can get through a "normal" day. Then you get a doctor's bill. You see all the pain of trying to keep your child alive and the hurt of her loss itemized to include insurance considerations. It's surreal.
It's hard some days to know she's with Jesus, when the selfish part of me wants her here.
The truth of her place in heaven gives comfort while at the same time reminding me one more time that she's gone.
So, sometimes I struggle to praise God through my pain.
Sometimes I hurt too much.
Sometimes I'm just plain angry.
But I'm trying.
Deliver me, O Lord, and my family, as Thou didst deliver Job from his sufferings. Amen.
My particular job doesn't necessarily lend itself to healing. I do my best to smile and comfort those who come to us for help. But last week I had to leave my office for the better part of an hour while a service for a baby was held because I couldn't stand to hear that dear family's grief. At times like that it seems more than I can bear.
Then I remember what my godmother wrote to me:
It's not that God doesn't give us more than we can handle - He just doesn't give us more than we can handle with Him.
It's that last part that helps me to keep chugging along. Even if I stumble a lot (and I do!) and scrape my knees up (all the time!), Jesus still loves me, is still there to comfort me, will always hold my hand, and will forget my tantrums long before I do (guilt...what can I say, I'm pretty sure I have an honorary degree in it).
But you are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. Therefore you did not desert them. ~Nehemiah 7:17b
Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.
It's hard some days to know she's with Jesus, when the selfish part of me wants her here.
The truth of her place in heaven gives comfort while at the same time reminding me one more time that she's gone.
So, sometimes I struggle to praise God through my pain.
Sometimes I hurt too much.
Sometimes I'm just plain angry.
But I'm trying.
Deliver me, O Lord, and my family, as Thou didst deliver Job from his sufferings. Amen.
My particular job doesn't necessarily lend itself to healing. I do my best to smile and comfort those who come to us for help. But last week I had to leave my office for the better part of an hour while a service for a baby was held because I couldn't stand to hear that dear family's grief. At times like that it seems more than I can bear.
Then I remember what my godmother wrote to me:
It's not that God doesn't give us more than we can handle - He just doesn't give us more than we can handle with Him.
It's that last part that helps me to keep chugging along. Even if I stumble a lot (and I do!) and scrape my knees up (all the time!), Jesus still loves me, is still there to comfort me, will always hold my hand, and will forget my tantrums long before I do (guilt...what can I say, I'm pretty sure I have an honorary degree in it).
But you are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. Therefore you did not desert them. ~Nehemiah 7:17b
Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)